It's 2021...

 

2020 - what a year! Completing my Master in Public Health with a distinction was definitely a highlight, as was time with friends (often at a beach plus a few adventures upcountry to Bumbuna and Gold Forest). Although there were many beautiful moments, #COVID19 marked this year, bringing with it uncertainty, more PPE requirements, quarantine & travel restrictions (no travel at all in 2020!). The words that resonate with the ups & downs of 2020 are grief, loss, uncertainty, dependence (on God), growth, joy, friendship & gratitude. Through the ups and downs, in the mountains and the valleys, God was there. It wasn't an easy year, but I am stronger because of it.

I’m looking forward to an amazing year ahead. May 2021 be full of hope, goodness, love & joy for us all. And may we beat #COVID19 together!

Happy New Year! Welcome 2021.

The path of grief…

“Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility. No one makes it through life without experiencing grief. It is the heart wrenching flipside of all that makes life worth living. Love. Love is of course a source of joy and meaning, a universal binding of humanity. But living with an open heart also means loss.” (Susan David – Moving forward with grief)

 

To love is to take a risk. 

 

When we let people into our lives, whether as a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend or a life partner, there is a risk of losing them. We live in an uncertain and fallen world and although we hope it will not happen to us, circumstances or choices could separate us from the person or people we deeply care for. Death. Divorce. Distance. Breakup. We are not immune to it. 

 

So, is love worth the risk? Maxime Lagace said: “To love is risky. Not to love is foolish.” I would agree that love is worth the risk. After all, God designed us as relational beings.  However, there is a risk that a relationship will end, whether suddenly or gradually, leading to loss, which sends you down the path of grief.  

 

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot.” (Jamie Anderson)

 

Grief is not an experience that we have but an experience we become. It affects our thoughts, emotions and physical being. It’s unpredictable. It is raw. It is complex. It is real. It is changing constantly. Grief can overcome us at any moment. Morning. Afternoon. Evening. Night. It comes with an array of emotions. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Depression. Acceptance. Numbness. Avoidance. Longing. Denial. Frustration. Disappointment. Meaning.

 

When you step foot onto the path of grief you have to acknowledge that you are grieving, know that it is okay not to be okay and realize that your journey is going to take as long as it takes.  This is the first step. 

 

Once you have the headspace, you can start to process the grief. Talk to people. Cry. Write down your feelings. Pray. You are beginning to move forward with the experience of grief. This will take time. There is no magic bullet. You can’t rush the process. There is no fast forward button. But it seems like there's a rewind button. You might find yourself experiencing certain emotions over and over again. You might feel as if you’re not as far down the path as you would have hoped to be. That’s okay. You will get there. Remember: it takes as long as it takes. Be kind to yourself.

 

Eventually, somewhere along the path, you will gain new insights and perspective. Grief is one of life’s great teachers. The loss you experienced will become a part of your life story. You will likely still experience feelings of loss but you will be able to move forward in life, with the grief. It may feel like you're going back and forth between hurt, happiness and healing. That's okay. 

“You are allowed to be hurting, happy, and healing at the same time.” (Female Collective)

 

Susan David shared the following “promise of grief” in a podcast:  “If you are here with me, you will one day forget me. You will turn the corner and see the light. An upturned smile. A flash of something that sends you the promise that joy is possible once again. But for now, be here.”

There is hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The situation may not turn out the way you wish it would but there is a new chapter being written. Trust that it will be good. This is where my faith carries me through. The last 4 months have been difficult. They are not what I would have chosen. However, I know without a doubt that God wants the best for me and that He has great things in store for me. I just don't know what they are. His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts, but He is good. I need to trust Him. And on this path of grief, I have learned that "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind" (Philippians 4) and that I am to "rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for me in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). 

 

If you are on the path of grief, remember: it takes as long as it takes. Stop. Smile. Breathe. Pray. Keep your head high. Be kind to yourself. Trust. Life is beautiful. Even on the path of grief there is so much to be grateful for. Pursue the things in life that bring you joy. Joy and grief really can exist next to each other! 

 

Advent: rejoice always...

^“And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.”(Luke 2:8-11)

 

The third candle is the light of joy. At Christmas we sing, “Joy to the world, the Lord has come,” joyfully celebrating Jesus’ first coming. In the middle of the night, while watching their flock, the shepherds encounter angels who announce the joyful news of a Saviour's birth. It is these very shepherds who are the first to pay a visit to Jesus. Although the Hebrews anticipated a Saviour, they probably assumed he would come as a mighty King, demonstrating his authority, power and majesty, not as a fragile baby, lying in a manger, visited by shepherds. However, this little baby is our Saviour, bringing salvation and joy for all the people. These humble circumstances in which Jesus entered the world are a reminder that our joy is not defined by circumstance, but that He is the source of our joy and we can be joyful in all situations. 

 

JOY.

 

Joy is more than momentary happiness. It is not determined by our circumstances, our belongings, our success, our status or our wealth. It stems from God’s presence in our lives, knowing that by His grace we are saved. Knowing that we can trust in Him regardless of our circumstances. “Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid…Therefore with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.”(Isaiah 12:2-3) We do not need to be afraid and we can rejoice in the promise of salvation and eternal life.  

 

How can we find joy this advent, when there are so many hardships? 

 

2020 has been a difficult year. Many people have encountered loss, illness, unemployment, depression, isolation, fear, failed relationships, broken dreams, separation from family. COVID19 has shaken the world to its core. Yet, in the midst of the hardships, I am convinced it is possible to find joy. We simply need to look to Jesus, the source of our joy.

 

In Jesus’ darkest moments, hours before His death, “He took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples...” (Luke 22:19) “Eucharisteo” is the Greek word for “he gave thanks”.  Charis means grace and chara means joy. Through “Eucharisteo”, thanksgiving, we can find grace and joy. 

 

We are told to rejoice, pray and give thanks. Not sometimes, but always. Continually. In all circumstances. “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

 

During advent and beyond, remember to fix your eyes on Jesus, give thanks and pursue joy. Focus on the many blessings in life that He has given you, whether that is health, connecting with family through social media, the beauty of flowers, birds, sunsets and rainbows, provision of food and shelter, friendships, work or simply being alive. May you experience renewed joy this advent through the deep assurance that you are saved by grace through faith in Jesus.

 

Rejoice always.

 

O Come Emmanuel. 

 

It takes as long as it takes...

The last few months have been challenging on a personal/relational level and it’s taking some time to process. I feel like I should be, or am expected to be, further along in this journey but I was reminded recently that “it takes as long as it takes”. 

A friend encouraged me to remember the 3T's: tears, talking and time. And to be kind and patient with myself during this process. So, onwards I go, for however long that takes. Some days are easier than others as I continue to walk a fine line between hope and reality.

Ups & downs seem to be a bit of a theme these days for everyone, especially in this COVID19 era. From issues at work, to travel restrictions, to personal matters. It's a bit of a rollercoaster ride. If you’re going through a challenging time, be kind to yourself. Be gentle on yourself. Give yourself time. Embrace joy and gratitude.

A clinic day during the COVID19 pandemic…

It’s 6:45 am on a Monday. As I head out the door, I put on a cloth mask and make my way to the paediatric outpatient clinic at the Aberdeen Women's Centre. Unlike many places in the developed world where outpatient services have switched to telemedicine, here in Sierra Leone due to limited connectivity we are still doing in-person consultations. It is the only way to keep essential health services going, which is vital in a country with some of the highest maternal, child and infant mortality rates in the world. 

It goes without saying, safety is our priority: personal safety, colleagues’ safety and that of the patients and caregivers. This is not an easy task and takes considerable planning and resources. Hand hygiene, screening, personal protective equipment (PPE) and social distancing occupy my mind throughout the day. Psychologically it is challenging. Everyone I come into contact with potentially has COVID19. 

On arrival I wash my hands and go through the screening process. Once screened, I enter the hospital compound and make my way to the children’s clinic. I wash my hands. After changing into my scrubs, I wash my hands again before I don personal protective equipment (PPE): head cover, mask, apron, face shield, gloves. Now I am safe, as long as I don’t touch my mask or my face and I wash my hands frequently.   

I walk out of the clinic’s side gate and meet the line of patients waiting to be seen. Our first priority is triage and screening. Triage to ensure that the sickest children are seen first, and screening to identify any potential COVID19 cases to isolate them for testing. During this process we have to ensure that patients are socially distanced and masked up. Although it is made somewhat easier due to painted markings on the sidewalk and chairs placed at least a meter apart, it can be chaotic, requiring a lot of patience. 

Screening takes time but eventually the patients enter the clinic; all wearing face masks. Next, one of the nurses does a health talk, using the time to educate the caregivers about corona virus and how to prevent it. Meanwhile I attend to very sick children in our observation room or, if there aren’t any emergency cases, I prepare my consultation room; disinfecting the table and chairs and making sure I have gloves and hand sanitizer. Finally, I start the general consultations. 

Consultations are carried out as usual except that I consider every person to be a suspect case. Although we screen at the gate, we will miss cases, in particular asymptomatic caregivers. So, I make sure the caregiver and child are sitting at least a meter away from me and I keep my mask and face shield on, using gloves for every patient contact followed by hand hygiene. This process repeats itself until every patient has been seen, either by my colleagues or myself. 

After all of the patients leave, I remove my face shield for disinfection and reuse, wash my hands and attend to administrative tasks, trainings and meetings. My mask is kept on, because even those I work with are suspects. Anyone could be an asymptomatic carrier. 

It’s time to clock out. I doff any remaining PPE, wash my hands, change my clothes, put on a cloth mask and make my way home. On entering my compound, I wash my hands before heading indoors. The workday is done and I can only hope that I kept myself safe today. 

All across Sierra Leone, healthcare workers continue to provide essential health services, as well as COVID19 care. Please pray for courage, safety and perseverance. 

#TogetherWeCan #EndCorona #ProvidingEssentialHealthcare #ChildrenMatter

Even in the storm...

‪













Life has its ups and downs.
It's a bit of a rollercoaster ride.
Storms come and go.
Sometimes they are big.
Sometimes they are small.
Sometimes they pass quickly.
Sometimes they last longer than we hope.‬
‪Rather than waiting out the storm, often it's best to learn to dance in it.‬
‪Try to make the most of life. ‬
‪Even in the storm, there are moments of joy.‬
Even in the storm, there are memories to cherish.
Even in the storm, you can count your blessings.
‪Even in the storm, there are things to be thankful for.
It's time to learn to dance.

#sandralako2017
#eveninthestorm #learntodance #joy #grace #thankfulness #sierraleone #transition

Quote in photo by Vivian Greene