“Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility. No one makes it through life without experiencing grief. It is the heart wrenching flipside of all that makes life worth living. Love. Love is of course a source of joy and meaning, a universal binding of humanity. But living with an open heart also means loss.” (Susan David – Moving forward with grief)
To love is to take a risk.
When we let people into our lives, whether as a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend or a life partner, there is a risk of losing them. We live in an uncertain and fallen world and although we hope it will not happen to us, circumstances or choices could separate us from the person or people we deeply care for. Death. Divorce. Distance. Breakup. We are not immune to it.
So, is love worth the risk? Maxime Lagace said: “To love is risky. Not to love is foolish.” I would agree that love is worth the risk. After all, God designed us as relational beings. However, there is a risk that a relationship will end, whether suddenly or gradually, leading to loss, which sends you down the path of grief.
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot.” (Jamie Anderson)
Grief is not an experience that we have but an experience we become. It affects our thoughts, emotions and physical being. It’s unpredictable. It is raw. It is complex. It is real. It is changing constantly. Grief can overcome us at any moment. Morning. Afternoon. Evening. Night. It comes with an array of emotions. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Depression. Acceptance. Numbness. Avoidance. Longing. Denial. Frustration. Disappointment. Meaning.
When you step foot onto the path of grief you have to acknowledge that you are grieving, know that it is okay not to be okay and realize that your journey is going to take as long as it takes. This is the first step.
Once you have the headspace, you can start to process the grief. Talk to people. Cry. Write down your feelings. Pray. You are beginning to move forward with the experience of grief. This will take time. There is no magic bullet. You can’t rush the process. There is no fast forward button. But it seems like there's a rewind button. You might find yourself experiencing certain emotions over and over again. You might feel as if you’re not as far down the path as you would have hoped to be. That’s okay. You will get there. Remember: it takes as long as it takes. Be kind to yourself.
Eventually, somewhere along the path, you will gain new insights and perspective. Grief is one of life’s great teachers. The loss you experienced will become a part of your life story. You will likely still experience feelings of loss but you will be able to move forward in life, with the grief. It may feel like you're going back and forth between hurt, happiness and healing. That's okay.
“You are allowed to be hurting, happy, and healing at the same time.” (Female Collective)
Susan David shared the following “promise of grief” in a podcast: “If you are here with me, you will one day forget me. You will turn the corner and see the light. An upturned smile. A flash of something that sends you the promise that joy is possible once again. But for now, be here.”
There is hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The situation may not turn out the way you wish it would but there is a new chapter being written. Trust that it will be good. This is where my faith carries me through. The last 4 months have been difficult. They are not what I would have chosen. However, I know without a doubt that God wants the best for me and that He has great things in store for me. I just don't know what they are. His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts, but He is good. I need to trust Him. And on this path of grief, I have learned that "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind" (Philippians 4) and that I am to "rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for me in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
If you are on the path of grief, remember: it takes as long as it takes. Stop. Smile. Breathe. Pray. Keep your head high. Be kind to yourself. Trust. Life is beautiful. Even on the path of grief there is so much to be grateful for. Pursue the things in life that bring you joy. Joy and grief really can exist next to each other!
