The path of grief…

“Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility. No one makes it through life without experiencing grief. It is the heart wrenching flipside of all that makes life worth living. Love. Love is of course a source of joy and meaning, a universal binding of humanity. But living with an open heart also means loss.” (Susan David – Moving forward with grief)

 

To love is to take a risk. 

 

When we let people into our lives, whether as a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend or a life partner, there is a risk of losing them. We live in an uncertain and fallen world and although we hope it will not happen to us, circumstances or choices could separate us from the person or people we deeply care for. Death. Divorce. Distance. Breakup. We are not immune to it. 

 

So, is love worth the risk? Maxime Lagace said: “To love is risky. Not to love is foolish.” I would agree that love is worth the risk. After all, God designed us as relational beings.  However, there is a risk that a relationship will end, whether suddenly or gradually, leading to loss, which sends you down the path of grief.  

 

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot.” (Jamie Anderson)

 

Grief is not an experience that we have but an experience we become. It affects our thoughts, emotions and physical being. It’s unpredictable. It is raw. It is complex. It is real. It is changing constantly. Grief can overcome us at any moment. Morning. Afternoon. Evening. Night. It comes with an array of emotions. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Depression. Acceptance. Numbness. Avoidance. Longing. Denial. Frustration. Disappointment. Meaning.

 

When you step foot onto the path of grief you have to acknowledge that you are grieving, know that it is okay not to be okay and realize that your journey is going to take as long as it takes.  This is the first step. 

 

Once you have the headspace, you can start to process the grief. Talk to people. Cry. Write down your feelings. Pray. You are beginning to move forward with the experience of grief. This will take time. There is no magic bullet. You can’t rush the process. There is no fast forward button. But it seems like there's a rewind button. You might find yourself experiencing certain emotions over and over again. You might feel as if you’re not as far down the path as you would have hoped to be. That’s okay. You will get there. Remember: it takes as long as it takes. Be kind to yourself.

 

Eventually, somewhere along the path, you will gain new insights and perspective. Grief is one of life’s great teachers. The loss you experienced will become a part of your life story. You will likely still experience feelings of loss but you will be able to move forward in life, with the grief. It may feel like you're going back and forth between hurt, happiness and healing. That's okay. 

“You are allowed to be hurting, happy, and healing at the same time.” (Female Collective)

 

Susan David shared the following “promise of grief” in a podcast:  “If you are here with me, you will one day forget me. You will turn the corner and see the light. An upturned smile. A flash of something that sends you the promise that joy is possible once again. But for now, be here.”

There is hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The situation may not turn out the way you wish it would but there is a new chapter being written. Trust that it will be good. This is where my faith carries me through. The last 4 months have been difficult. They are not what I would have chosen. However, I know without a doubt that God wants the best for me and that He has great things in store for me. I just don't know what they are. His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts, but He is good. I need to trust Him. And on this path of grief, I have learned that "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind" (Philippians 4) and that I am to "rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for me in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). 

 

If you are on the path of grief, remember: it takes as long as it takes. Stop. Smile. Breathe. Pray. Keep your head high. Be kind to yourself. Trust. Life is beautiful. Even on the path of grief there is so much to be grateful for. Pursue the things in life that bring you joy. Joy and grief really can exist next to each other! 

 

Emmanuel, God with us…

 

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1: 14)

 

The fifth candle is the Christ candle. Today we celebrate the birth of Jesus, our Saviour, who came as a baby, wrapped in cloth, lying in a manger. We celebrate the hope, peace, love and joy that Christ brings into the world. He is the light in the darkness.

 

CHRIST. 

 

Although your Christmas celebrations may look different this year due to the COVID19 pandemic, the significance of today is not lost.  I want to share a prayer written by Pete Greig:

 

“May the love of God the Father bring unexpected comfort to your home today, connecting hearts that are apart, and reconfiguring family this Christmas. May the hope of God the Son, born into dark disruption and deep uncertainty, ignite a little light in your home today, surprising you with joy this Christmas. May the peace of God the Holy Spirit console your soul today, filling your heart and your home with the serenity of his presence this Christmas. 

 

And so let us return to that first Christmas to find a fearful mother as she brings her baby into such a dark place and time in history. It is not what she wanted. See the uncertainty etched in the man’s features, worried and unable to properly provide, feeling clumsy, unsure of his own role and involvement. It is not what he wanted. Consider their sense of isolation at a time of such vulnerability, far away from loved-ones and home. It is not what they wanted. Imagine the frustration they feel, forced to be here now, against their will, at this most intimate moment by the relentless demands of a distant government. It is not what they wanted. 

 

This year of all years, perhaps we may celebrate with new understanding the Christmas no one wanted. The fragility of life in the shadow of death, the hope of healing in a dangerous environment, the love ephemeral yet eternal, born to a tiny, vulnerable, isolated, disorientated, disappointed, fearful, fragile family, which is Immanuel, God with us (when others can’t be with us), a Light that shines in the darkness, a defiant hope in spite of everything, Jesus Christ the Lord.”

 

“The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” (John 1: 5)

 

As you celebrate today, whether alone or with loved ones, remember that Christ dwells among us. In the midst of these trying times, He is present. Always. Emmanuel, God with us. He is the light that overcomes darkness. May the hope, peace, joy and love of God be ever so real to you this Christmas.

 

Emmanuel: God with us.

Advent: choose love...

 

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

 

The fourth candle is the light of love. Jesus coming to earth, as a baby in a manger and the Saviour of the world, is God’s greatest gift of love to us. This is God’s redeeming love, which brings forgiveness, restoration and reconciliation. What a gift! A gift that lasts forever. The utter magnitude of His love for me is unfathomable and beyond amazing. 

 

LOVE.

 

Love is more than a feeling. Love requires action. Love requires taking risks. To love is not always easy. It involves a choice and it is often a choice we need to make over and over again. Let’s face it: some people are easy to love, others not so much. Yet Jesus asks us to love everyone! 

 

“Jesus replied:‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:33-39) Jesus teaches us to love God with our whole being. He also teaches us to love each other. Family. Friends. Neighbours. Enemies. Strangers. The hungry. The prisoners. The thirsty. To love our neighbours as ourselves. 

 

What does love look like? One of my favourite passages on love is found in 1 Corinthians. We are given such a beautiful image of what love should look like. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

 

What an incredible picture of love. Who doesn’t want to be loved like that? God’s love for us IS that perfect! And although our love for others will never be this perfect, we can ask God to help us love others, aspiring this wholesome love. 

 

How can we show love to others? Jesus shares what love as an act of service looks like in Matthew 25. Feed the hungry. Provide shelter to the homeless. Give those who are thirsty a drink. Clothe the naked. Visit the prisoners. Meet with the sick. There are many ways we can show love to those around us. Love in action. However, this passage is one that has continuously challenged me. We are commanded, not just advised, to help those in need or we will face eternal consequences. Jesus’ message is straightforward but putting this into practice all the time is not an easy task, especially when faced with people in need every single day. I have a lot to learn when it comes to loving others. 

 

This advent, reflect on God’s incredible love for you, love God with your whole being and love those around you as best as you can. Love is essential. Especially in this difficult season, in the midst of the COVID19 pandemic, be mindful of people who may be lonely or in need. Share some love with those around you this advent season.

 

Choose love.

 

O Come Emmanuel.

Advent: rejoice always...

^“And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.”(Luke 2:8-11)

 

The third candle is the light of joy. At Christmas we sing, “Joy to the world, the Lord has come,” joyfully celebrating Jesus’ first coming. In the middle of the night, while watching their flock, the shepherds encounter angels who announce the joyful news of a Saviour's birth. It is these very shepherds who are the first to pay a visit to Jesus. Although the Hebrews anticipated a Saviour, they probably assumed he would come as a mighty King, demonstrating his authority, power and majesty, not as a fragile baby, lying in a manger, visited by shepherds. However, this little baby is our Saviour, bringing salvation and joy for all the people. These humble circumstances in which Jesus entered the world are a reminder that our joy is not defined by circumstance, but that He is the source of our joy and we can be joyful in all situations. 

 

JOY.

 

Joy is more than momentary happiness. It is not determined by our circumstances, our belongings, our success, our status or our wealth. It stems from God’s presence in our lives, knowing that by His grace we are saved. Knowing that we can trust in Him regardless of our circumstances. “Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid…Therefore with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.”(Isaiah 12:2-3) We do not need to be afraid and we can rejoice in the promise of salvation and eternal life.  

 

How can we find joy this advent, when there are so many hardships? 

 

2020 has been a difficult year. Many people have encountered loss, illness, unemployment, depression, isolation, fear, failed relationships, broken dreams, separation from family. COVID19 has shaken the world to its core. Yet, in the midst of the hardships, I am convinced it is possible to find joy. We simply need to look to Jesus, the source of our joy.

 

In Jesus’ darkest moments, hours before His death, “He took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples...” (Luke 22:19) “Eucharisteo” is the Greek word for “he gave thanks”.  Charis means grace and chara means joy. Through “Eucharisteo”, thanksgiving, we can find grace and joy. 

 

We are told to rejoice, pray and give thanks. Not sometimes, but always. Continually. In all circumstances. “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

 

During advent and beyond, remember to fix your eyes on Jesus, give thanks and pursue joy. Focus on the many blessings in life that He has given you, whether that is health, connecting with family through social media, the beauty of flowers, birds, sunsets and rainbows, provision of food and shelter, friendships, work or simply being alive. May you experience renewed joy this advent through the deep assurance that you are saved by grace through faith in Jesus.

 

Rejoice always.

 

O Come Emmanuel. 

 

Advent: and on earth Peace...

“Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” (Luke 2:13-14)

PEACE.

 

The second candle of advent is the light of peace. When the angels appear to the shepherds at night they proclaim: “and on earth peace…”. When Mary gave birth to baby Jesus, peace came into the world. Jesus, the “Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6). This doesn’t mean that the world was suddenly a peaceful place. It wasn’t an instantaneous ideology of “peace on earth”. Far from it. There was a lot of unrest during Jesus’ time. But Peace dwelt among the people, and still dwells among us today. 

 

Shalom is the Hebrew word for peace but also encompasses harmony, wholeness, completeness and tranquility. It refers to the complete physical, psychological, emotional, social and spiritual well-being of a person, with an emphasis on being at peace with God, with others and within oneself. 

 

As Christians we are saved through grace and that salvation leads to peace with God yielding an inner peace, due to the knowledge that God brings restoration and healing to us and ultimately to this world. God’s peace guards our hearts and minds (Philippians 4:7) silencing anxieties and worry, leading to wholeness and tranquility. Shalom. 

 

Peace requires us to trust in a God of peace and a God who grants us peace.

 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid."(John 14:27)

 

We are also called to be peacemakers, extending peace to our neighbours and communities so that we can be at peace with one another. Shalom. To be at peace with others. This takes courage. It is also a choice. Being a peacemaker requires us to step out of our comfort zone and into challenging situations. At times it requires us to stand up against injustice. Being a peacemaker is not an easy task and it is God’s peace within us that will help bring peace and unity into the situations around us. 

 

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (Matthew 5:9)

 

Lord, help us to be instruments of your peace. 

 

O Come Emmanuel. 

Advent: cling to hope...

“For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:6) 

Today is the first day of advent: a time of waiting and expectation, preparing for, and reflecting on, the coming of Jesus. In this season, while physically preparing for Christmas, with trees, lights, carols, family traditions and delicious foods, we also prepare our hearts, contemplating the hope, peace, joy and love that Christ is. 

 

In the 12^thCentury, Bernard of Clairvaux emphasized Christ’s coming in three ways: in Bethlehem as a baby in the manger, in the second coming at the end of the age and in His presence in our lives every day. 

 

HOPE. 

 

Hope is more than wishful thinking. It is not simply a feeling. It goes beyond mere optimism. Hope is confident expectation. In the New Testament there was a confident expectation that the Old Testament prophecies of a Messiah would be fulfilled through the birth of a Saviour. 

 

As believers, we have a confident expectation that we are saved by grace through faith in Jesus. We confidently expect that this child who was born in Bethlemen will come again to reconcile this world. We confidently expect the gift of eternal life. 

 

How can we hold on to this hope in a world filled with disease, death, despair, division and injustice? 

 

It seems inevitable to lose hope. However, without hope, life loses its meaning and purpose. We must cling to hope. Jay Y. Kim describes hope as follows: “It doesn’t ignore fear, anxiety, and doubt; it confronts them. It holds steady, clinging to peace in the midst of chaos. Through life’s many treacherous storms … hope is buoyed by something greater that has happened and something greater that is going to happen again.” (from: Hope: An Expectant Leap)

Hope requires a trust placed in a loving and merciful God who is the same yesterday, today and forever, who knows the beginning from the end and who keeps His promises. Hope in the one who has come and who will come again. Hope in the one who is present in our lives, whose Spirit dwells within us. 

 

St. Augustine prayed the following: “How much you have loved us, kind Father! If your Word had not become flesh and had not dwelt among us, we would have had to believe that there was no connection between God and humanity and we would have been in despair.” 

Our hope is in God alone. 

"But the Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine. We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone." (Psalm 33:18-22)

 

Cling to hope. 

O Come Emmanuel. 

Happy Thanksgiving...

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

This evening I’ve enjoyed delicious food and some time to reflect. Basically, I’m incredibly grateful for the people God has put in my life - whether for a season or forever - whether near or far - they constantly teach me how to live, laugh and love. They remind me of the importance of self-worth and courage, letting go and moving forward, patiently waiting and chasing my dreams.

I’m forever grateful.

And yes, I put my Christmas tree up a few days ago. It's 2020. It's allowed.

#ihaveamazingfriends

#ihaveanamazingfamily

#livelaughlove

#alwaysanadventure

#begratefulalways

It takes as long as it takes...

The last few months have been challenging on a personal/relational level and it’s taking some time to process. I feel like I should be, or am expected to be, further along in this journey but I was reminded recently that “it takes as long as it takes”. 

A friend encouraged me to remember the 3T's: tears, talking and time. And to be kind and patient with myself during this process. So, onwards I go, for however long that takes. Some days are easier than others as I continue to walk a fine line between hope and reality.

Ups & downs seem to be a bit of a theme these days for everyone, especially in this COVID19 era. From issues at work, to travel restrictions, to personal matters. It's a bit of a rollercoaster ride. If you’re going through a challenging time, be kind to yourself. Be gentle on yourself. Give yourself time. Embrace joy and gratitude.

A clinic day during the COVID19 pandemic…

It’s 6:45 am on a Monday. As I head out the door, I put on a cloth mask and make my way to the paediatric outpatient clinic at the Aberdeen Women's Centre. Unlike many places in the developed world where outpatient services have switched to telemedicine, here in Sierra Leone due to limited connectivity we are still doing in-person consultations. It is the only way to keep essential health services going, which is vital in a country with some of the highest maternal, child and infant mortality rates in the world. 

It goes without saying, safety is our priority: personal safety, colleagues’ safety and that of the patients and caregivers. This is not an easy task and takes considerable planning and resources. Hand hygiene, screening, personal protective equipment (PPE) and social distancing occupy my mind throughout the day. Psychologically it is challenging. Everyone I come into contact with potentially has COVID19. 

On arrival I wash my hands and go through the screening process. Once screened, I enter the hospital compound and make my way to the children’s clinic. I wash my hands. After changing into my scrubs, I wash my hands again before I don personal protective equipment (PPE): head cover, mask, apron, face shield, gloves. Now I am safe, as long as I don’t touch my mask or my face and I wash my hands frequently.   

I walk out of the clinic’s side gate and meet the line of patients waiting to be seen. Our first priority is triage and screening. Triage to ensure that the sickest children are seen first, and screening to identify any potential COVID19 cases to isolate them for testing. During this process we have to ensure that patients are socially distanced and masked up. Although it is made somewhat easier due to painted markings on the sidewalk and chairs placed at least a meter apart, it can be chaotic, requiring a lot of patience. 

Screening takes time but eventually the patients enter the clinic; all wearing face masks. Next, one of the nurses does a health talk, using the time to educate the caregivers about corona virus and how to prevent it. Meanwhile I attend to very sick children in our observation room or, if there aren’t any emergency cases, I prepare my consultation room; disinfecting the table and chairs and making sure I have gloves and hand sanitizer. Finally, I start the general consultations. 

Consultations are carried out as usual except that I consider every person to be a suspect case. Although we screen at the gate, we will miss cases, in particular asymptomatic caregivers. So, I make sure the caregiver and child are sitting at least a meter away from me and I keep my mask and face shield on, using gloves for every patient contact followed by hand hygiene. This process repeats itself until every patient has been seen, either by my colleagues or myself. 

After all of the patients leave, I remove my face shield for disinfection and reuse, wash my hands and attend to administrative tasks, trainings and meetings. My mask is kept on, because even those I work with are suspects. Anyone could be an asymptomatic carrier. 

It’s time to clock out. I doff any remaining PPE, wash my hands, change my clothes, put on a cloth mask and make my way home. On entering my compound, I wash my hands before heading indoors. The workday is done and I can only hope that I kept myself safe today. 

All across Sierra Leone, healthcare workers continue to provide essential health services, as well as COVID19 care. Please pray for courage, safety and perseverance. 

#TogetherWeCan #EndCorona #ProvidingEssentialHealthcare #ChildrenMatter

An unexpected Easter in COVID-19 times...

I am writing to you from mandatory quarantine; all is well. I am currently healthy. Spending time in isolation has given me the opportunity to reflect and although this Easter has not gone as planned, it is probably one of the more meaningful Easter’s I’ve had. 

Over the past few weeks, the following words have become all too real to people all over the world. Isolation. Chaos. Confusion. Fear. Death. Suffering. Loneliness. Pain. Hurt. Loss. Doubt. Distress. Uncertainty. Despair. We are confronted with the reality of separation, disease and death. Our world feels like it has been turned upside down. Maybe it’s not so crazy that this pandemic happens to coincide with Easter.

The moments leading up to Jesus’ death were full of turmoil. Jesus was distressed and troubled in the garden of Gethsemane. One of his very own, Judas, betrays him. Peter disowns him. Soldiers mock him. Those who pass by the cross hurl insults at him. And at noon, complete darkness fills the land. Jesus cries out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” How many of us have asked where God is in the midst of this COVID-19 pandemic? The earth shook. The temple curtain split in two. Unprecedented. A day like no other.

The good news is, resurrection Sunday came. The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; He is risen, just as he said.” (Matthew 28:5-6)  Death did not hold Jesus. The darkest moment in history transformed into the greatest love story the world has ever known. Amazing grace. Through His death and resurrection, we are brought out of the darkness and into the light.  He does not promise us an easy life but He promises us a life with Him. In the middle of our current unexpected storm, He is our anchor. He is our light and our strength in these dark times. He is our peace. Hope is not lost. 

Christ is risen! Let’s rejoice today as we celebrate our Lord and Saviour – our hope and our strength! May you have a deeper awareness of His love and peace today. 

Good Friday: in the midst of chaos and uncertainty

On Good Friday, I am reminded that in the midst of the chaos and uncertainty in the world, and despite Easter weekend looking very different this year than we may have imagined or hoped due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. 

Our circumstances change, but He doesn’t. We feel like we’ve lost control, but He hasn’t. We may feel alone, but He is with us. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. 

Today I reflect on the amazing sacrifice He made, the outrageous love He displayed and the grace He extends to me over and over again. May we rejoice in the hope that we have in Him. And may we remember that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. 

Whirlwind Weeks: COVID19 confirmed in Sierra Leone

The last few weeks have been quite something; it's hard to even put it in words. The whole world is consumed by COVID19 with daily increases of cases, deaths, lockdowns, overwhelmed health facilities, shortages of personal protective equipment and pretty much every headline focussed on the disease. Meanwhile, Sierra Leone was amongst a small group of countries in the world yet to confirm a case. However, as the President of Sierra Leone stated on the 24th March 2020, when he declared a State of Public Emergency, it was not a matter of 'if' the coronavirus would come to Sierra Leone, but 'when'. 

Sadly, today is that day. The first COVID19 case was confirmed in Sierra Leone. The index case is a national who traveled from Europe back to Sierra Leone. Symptoms were experienced during quarantine and the index case went to an appropriate health facility for isolation and testing without first going home. Confirmatory tests were positive. Thankfully, the person is in stable condition and measures have been put in place for contact tracing in a systematic manner. We all hope and pray this disease will be contained. 

The government has made good efforts during the preparedness phase to try to prevent/contain COVID19 from coming to/spreading in Sierra Leone. The big shift came on the 19th of March when the government announced that flights would be suspended for a period of 90 days. Within hours and days a myriad of measures were put into place including no large gatherings, closing of mosques and churches, schools stopping by the 31st March, stopping the LUMA markets upcountry, restrictions of passengers in public transport, closing the land borders and declaring a State of Public Emergency. Now that we have a case in country, additional measures will follow.

While the government plays its part, and the various pillars at the Emergency Operations Centre work hard to contain COVID19, it's important that we as individuals take ownership and make sure we prevent spread of this disease.

Wash your hands with soap and water frequently for at least 20 seconds.

Cough and sneeze into your elbow.

Do not touch your face. 

Avoid contact with sick people.

Keep physical distance from each other. 

Call 117 if you are sick.

Follow local health advice.

Let's pray for Sierra Leone and for the world.